01
Whether you have enough value to attract me determines whether I will, can, and am willing to approach you, and how much I value and cherish this relationship.
In fact, as long as you think about a question clearly, the answer will come out.
Where does a person’s motivation come from? Where does a person’s enthusiasm come from?
Nothing is without a reason. He will do something inexplicably, and he will do something inexplicably. Get along with someone. Even if you feel comfortable getting along with someone, it is based on the premise of equal value, mutual recognition, appreciation and attraction, so that there can be relative harmony and happiness.
If value is divided into secular value and intrinsic value, then the so-called secular value includes money, power, fame, power, etc., while intrinsic value includes ability, character, wisdom, knowledge, etc. .
A favorite saying: "The bustling world is all for profit; the bustling world is all for profit."
All interpersonal relationships have purpose and motivation. , or the essence of how to maintain it, is ultimately to meet the needs of interests. The four words "mutual benefit" have highly summarized everything.
Just like a person who will treat you to a meal or give you something if you have nothing to do, is it too much money to spend?
There is no doubt that money is important to everyone. It's very important. If so, why would I give you such an important thing? What is the reason for giving?
Purely because of good feelings? Obviously unrealistic, but I just value your body. Make him feel it's worth it. Or if you want to get something back, you have to give something first.
To be honest, such a relationship is not terrible. What is truly terrible is the absolutely pure relationship, and such a relationship is often not long enough.
02
Talking about a male student, he recently realized that he has been thinking about friendships. .
In the past, he felt that as long as he had fun with his friends and had a good relationship, the relationship would definitely be long-lasting, just like he and a certain friend, you are good to me, I am good to you, and they always get along harmoniously and happily. With.
Then suddenly one day I thought, if one day I no longer have the ability to be nice to that friend, will I have to rely on words to get along with each other? Over time, will my sincerity be withheld? Put on a hypocritical hat. When the necessary prerequisite for communication cannot be met, readers cannot guarantee that the relationship will still be harmonious at that time.
In fact, equal value is also the beginning of a relationship.
Even if there is no use, at least they are of equal value and can maintain a good way of getting along with each other, and by going back and forth, the distance between the two people will gradually become closer.
On the other hand, the distance in a relationshipFar, it also starts from value inequality.
Because the values ??are not equal, I no longer want to waste those important things, such as time, energy and money on you. As the saying goes, people go to high places and water goes to low places Flow everywhere.
With recognition for a person, giving is giving. Without recognition for a person, giving becomes a waste.
Even if a person gets old and starts to be indifferent to fame and wealth, and does not want to care about anything, he just wants to get along with the only three or two remaining friends. The prerequisite is that the economic conditions or other values ????are the same. class.
Some things will never change due to relationship, age and time, unless a person can really have that kind of condescending tolerance towards the world, not caring about anything, not caring about anything, but like this People often prefer to be alone and don't want to have anything to do with anyone at all.
03
Really, there is a value issue in any relationship, including couples relation.
Even the so-called liking can be traced, but it is attracted by the value of the other person, either physiologically or spiritually. In fact, the former part is more, but it is just that Few people are willing to admit this.
If we like you, we will be together. Then, what is the motivation to maintain the marriage?
It is still value. Because you are valuable, I am willing to pay for you, be responsible for you, and treat you. You cherish me, but I can’t force myself to do so. No one can force their emotions. Even though I obviously don’t like you and you have no attraction to me, I still have to force myself to value you.
Many times, the value between husband and wife can also be understood as the satisfaction of needs. If you can satisfy some of my needs, it is proof of your value and the existence of value that attracts me.
If it is physical attraction, you are good-looking, slender, and fair-skinned, these are a type of value.
Another example is that you can make money for me to spend and provide me with a life without worries about food and clothing. This is also a type of value. But value does not necessarily mean money, it also includes spiritual needs. You can give me enough love, support, recognition, respect and understanding, so that my spiritual world is not barren.
What's more, you can help me take good care of my parents and children, so that I don't have to worry about my family anymore. This is where your value lies.
04
In fact, they are all very simple truths. If you have any value No, and it is obviously unreasonable to want the other person to be loyal, doting, or devoted to you.
This is not the reality for anyone, it is like this for everyone, including ourselves.
Said these, justI hope you can understand the nature of these relationships, then think clearly about what kind of value supports your relationship, and finally maintain this value, which is also the value that the other party needs.
Don’t ignore the essence of the relationship just because the relationship is established, otherwise problems will arise sooner or later.
There must be a reason for everything you do, even if it is about controlling your body. If you want to control your left leg to take a step forward, you must first give your left leg a reason why you want to take that step.
circle.Of course, you don’t have to feel lost. Value is also a part of yourself. It may just be that you have idealized and artisticized the relationship in the past and had too high expectations.
In fact, this is not a reality, it can only be regarded as one of the truths of life. After all, people always have to take something back.
